<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>the strange gurgling noise (and how it leads to something wonderful) by writer_on_fire01</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25805584">the strange gurgling noise (and how it leads to something wonderful)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/writer_on_fire01/pseuds/writer_on_fire01'>writer_on_fire01</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Dinah needs her car fixed, F/F, Helena is a mechanic now, I'm Bad At Tagging, she's also awkward</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:59:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,056</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25805584</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/writer_on_fire01/pseuds/writer_on_fire01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Helena is a mechanic. Dinah needs her car fixed. The rest comes naturally. AU where Helena and Dinah lead normal, superhero-free lives.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Helena Bertinelli/Dinah Lance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the strange gurgling noise (and how it leads to something wonderful)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dinah needs a new car. This fact comes to her attention when, one day, she is simply rolling along the streets of Gotham and hears a highly suspicious gurgling sound. Upon further inspection, this gurgling sound seems to originate from inside the hood of her car. This is even more worrisome. </p><p><em> Son of a bitch, </em>she thinks irritatedly as the gurgling sound not only continues, but grows angrier. Eventually, aforementioned worrisome gurgling noise prompts Dinah to, albeit reluctantly, pull over. </p><p>One quick Google search yields directions to the nearest repair shop. Dinah doesn’t know much about cars, but she figures that even if it turns out she doesn’t have enough money for a full repair, somebody can give her some pointers about how to go about putting a stop to the concerning noise.</p><p>Then again, the most likely scenario is that she gets scammed into getting some expensive ass repairs she doesn’t even need. <em> Oh well, </em>Dinah thinks dismissively, deciding that she can sniff out a scam if one comes her way. </p><p>Driving to the repair shop heightens Dinah’s anxiety, as the concerning gurgling noise continues to grow even more concerning as she drives, and she is relieved when she finally arrives. It is a rather small shop, consisting of three modest garages and the waiting room/reception area where Dinah goes in to explain her issue. </p><p>The receptionist is a woman who looks rather bored, her chin resting on the palm of her hand as Dinah speaks. </p><p>“...so, um, do I need to talk to a mechanic about that? Or have it checked out?” </p><p>The woman--Rachel M, as her name tag reads--sighs exaggeratedly. “Our main mechanic is out working on a job right now, but she should be back in…” she trails off, checking her watch. “like, fifteen minutes. She can look at your car then.”</p><p>“Do I have to pay to get it looked at?” Dinah asks hesitantly, mildly afraid of the answer. </p><p>“Um, of course?” Now Rachel is looking seriously annoyed. “That’s like, part of the deal.” </p><p>Dinah opens her mouth to apologize when the door opens. Again, Rachel sighs loudly. “Here she is now. She can tell you how mechanics work, since you don’t seem to know.” </p><p>When she turns around, the mechanic is right there. She has short, swoopy hair that seems to naturally levitate towards one side of her face, and there’s a streak of motor oil on her jawline which is unreasonably cute given that it’s, well, motor oil. Her outfit is a plain, saggy jumpsuit in a shade of green that might have been unflattering on someone else. </p><p>“What do I need to tell this woman, Rachel?” The mechanic sounds heavily exasperated as she turns to Dinah.</p><p>“See, she wants a free diagnostic test,” Rachel explains in a snotty voice.</p><p>“I didn’t say I wanted one, I was just asking if that was a thing--” Dinah defends herself before the mechanic cut her off, eyes darting over Dinah’s face.</p><p>“Okay. Sure. There’s a free garage on the far right of the lot. Get your car in there and I’ll look it over when I’m done with my current job.”</p><p>Rachel’s eyes widen, and her jaw gapes in outrage. “The hell, Bertinelli? You know we don’t do free diagnostics!” </p><p>“We do now,” the mechanic snaps, glaring daggers at her receptionist before turning back to Dinah. “Err, sorry about that. Rachel can be a lot. Helena Bertinelli.” She sticks her hand out awkwardly for Dinah to shake. </p><p>“Thank you, I appreciate it,” says Dinah, hardly believing her luck. “Dinah Lance.” </p><p>“It’s no problem. It can be a pain in the ass to have to pay seventy dollars just for somebody to tell you your car is shitty.” Once the handshake is over, Helena’s hand drops down to her side like a dead fish. “So, were you having any particular problems?”</p><p>Dinah nods. “A strange gurgling sound coming from the engine.” She feels a bit stupid in her desciption, figuring that mechanics expect more accurate terminology. Helena, luckily, just seems to accept this, nodding shortly.</p><p>“What model is it?” Helena asks. </p><p>Once Dinah has told Helena about the car--the model, history with accidents, mileage, that kind of thing--she walks out to get back to work. The only other piece of information Dinah is given is that it should take around two hours.</p><p>Smirking slightly, Dinah drops a five in the tip jar. The fury on Rachel’s face gets even more furious. <em> I have a feeling this mechanic chick doesn’t have any interest in scamming me, </em>Dinah thinks, feeling strangely affectionate towards the woman despite their having only known one another for around three minutes.</p><p>She seems awkward, but in a dorky, cute kind of way, and the fact that she hasn’t noticed the motor oil on her face is kind of endearing, though Dinah also feels a little guilty for not having pointed it out. </p><p>---</p><p>When one thinks of a mechanic, they normally think of someone who deals with gears, pistons, and motor oil. What they wouldn’t expect, however, is that Helena also deals with her fair share of rodents. </p><p>Disgusting as it may be, a large part of Helena’s job includes extracting the corpses of mice, rats, squirrels, or even chipmunks from peoples’ cars. This is what she does at present. A couple of years ago, the idea of dropping an entire family of dead rats by their tails into biohazard bags would have been enough to make her regret offering that kind woman a free diagnostic. By now, however, she is desensitized to it. </p><p>As it turns out, the rodents have done quite a number on Dinah’s engine, chewing viciously at wires in a way that makes Helena wonder how the car even still functions. It’s certainly a safety hazard, and it’s certainly something Dinah will have to get fixed.</p><p>If it were Helena, she would just buy a new car. <em> It might even be the cheaper option in the long run </em>, she muses. Yet, some people will choose repairs anyways if they are at all attached to their current vehicle. It’s what Helena’s hoping DInah will choose; for whatever reason she wants another excuse to talk to the woman.</p><p>For the time being there’s certainly a conversation to be had. Helena smirks at this, as she takes a somewhat cruel enjoyment in telling people that their cars have been inhabited by rodents. It ‘s quite unprofessional of her, but it’s one of the best parts of her job all the same. </p><p>She presses down the hood of the car, tossing the biohazard bags containing the ex-rats into the trash can before returning to the reception area to tell Dinah the bad news.</p><p>Upon seeing Dinah curled up in one of the waiting room chairs, serenely sipping a cup of coffee and reading a novel, however, Helena almost feels bad for having to drop this on her. She clears her throat. Dinah looks up.</p><p>Dinah’s eyes dance over Helena momentarily, giving her time to notice the woman’s long eyelashes before telling her, “uh, your diagnostic test is done.”</p><p>“Oh!” Dinah sits up in her chair, biting her lip nervously. “What’s up? Do I need a new car?”</p><p>“Quite possibly,” Helena responds. Dinah’s face falls comically--this clearly isn’t the response she was expecting. “Rats chewed up your engine.”</p><p>Dinah makes a face. “Like, the rodents?”</p><p>“Yes, the rodents.” Helena struggles to keep a straight face at this. “You’ll need to get a new engine installed.” </p><p>“Oh, geez.” Dinah makes a face that represents the situation fairly accurately, at least in Helena’s opinion. “And that will be…?” </p><p>“First of all,” Helena begins, “you’ll have to decide whether you want a new, used, or rebuilt engine. The cheapest is used, of course, but <em> that </em>choice might end very badly if the engine doesn’t work. New engines are a lot, though, so if I were you I would go with rebuilt.”</p><p>All Dinah contributes to this is a helpless shrug, which Helena can sympathize with. She understands all of it, given that she’s a trained mechanic, but Dinah is not and therefore must be a bit confused. </p><p>“A rebuilt engine, combined with labor costs and the costs of some extra oil for your new engine, and you’ll end up spending around four thousand.” </p><p>“Just four thousand, right?” Dinah checks. “Not, like, four thousand million?” </p><p>Helena allows herself a chuckle at this. “Yeah, just four thousand. It all depends on how much work it ends up being for me, though, but it certainly won’t be above four thousand and five hundred. Of course, you might want to consider just getting a new car.” </p><p>“Hmm.” Dinah looks thoughtful at this. </p><p>“Although,” Helena goes on, about to explain some more. Most customers don’t really care about the mechanics of it all as long as their car gets fixed, but Helena likes explaining anyways. It feels like she’s doing her job properly. “you won’t be able to sell this car for much without getting it fixed first. It might also be worth it to fix the car, sell it to a dealership, and use the money to get a new one. It’s all up to you, though.” </p><p>Poor Dinah looks completely and utterly lost. “Uh, okay,” she finally manages. </p><p>“How about this,” says Helena decisively, pulling a business card out of her pocket. “Call me by around this time tomorrow with your decision. I wouldn’t drive that car any more, though. Leave it here, and grab a cab or call someone or something. Until then, you can call me if you have any technical questions.”</p><p>DInah looks genuinely appreciative as she takes it, more than most customers can manage. “Thanks. I’ll think about it.” Helena is almost disappointed as she walks out the door, flashing a quick smile behind her as she does so. </p><p>---</p><p>Helena is just working on Dinah’s car when it happens. It’s going quite well. Engine replacements are common, and second nature to Helena. </p><p>Currently, she’s just working on putting in the new engine, after having taken out the one that was chewed up by rats. Helena still remembers Dinah’s face when she learned about the rats. It was a cute face. Dinah is cute. </p><p><em> Almost done... </em>a few bolts tightened, the wires put back, and Helena is feeling quite confident that she’s done a good job. All she needs to do to get the car back to its rightful owner is putting back its bumper and hood. </p><p>Helena has no problem retrieving the hood, finding it in the back, where she stores the parts of cars she’s working on. The bumper, however, is a different story. <em> God damn it. Where’s the stupid bumper?  </em></p><p>“Ed!” Helena calls out to her assistant. Ed looks up from where he’s working on replacing some car’s tire--why would you even take a car to a repair shop to get a new tire? It’s so much easier to do it yourself, and, nevermind, not the point (Helena has some trouble with getting sidetracked sometimes). </p><p>“Yeah, boss?” Ed hollers back, setting down some power tool too far away for Helena to recognise. </p><p>“Did you do anything to the bumper of the car I’ve been working on?” Ed’s always losing things. <em> I’m sure he’s just misplaced it-- </em></p><p>“Nope. Not seen it.” </p><p>“What do you <em> mean </em> you haven’t seen it?” Helena demands, feeling her palms beginning to get sweaty. <em> Oh, this can’t be happening… </em></p><p>“I mean I haven’t seen it.” Ed gets a cocky look on his face. “Boss, did you <em> lose </em>it?” </p><p>“No!” Helena insists, but she’s pacing now. “I just need to look for it some more.” </p><p>“Right.” Ed makes no attempt to hide the amused look on his face. <em> The bastard. Why don’t I work with anyone competent?  </em></p><p>Two hours of searching yield no result. Helena has told Dinah that she could pick up her car today, and she’s running out of time. </p><p>“How did I manage to lose an entire damn bumper?” Helena demands of Ed as she paces, the hand she’s holding her phone in shaking now. She’s a good mechanic. But how is Dinah supposed to know that? Why does she <em> care </em> about whether or not Dinah knows that? <em> Because she’ll leave a one-star Yelp review saying I lost her fucking bumper! </em>Right. That’s why.</p><p>“I don’t know.” Ed barks out a laugh. “Not even I’ve done that.” </p><p>“Hhhrrr<em>ggghhhh. </em> ” Helena lets out a strangled noise, letting her head hit the car Ed’s working on with a <em> thump </em>. </p><p>“Oh, come on, boss. Everyone makes mistakes.” He’s still wearing that shit-eating grin, though.</p><p>“Fuck you.” </p><p>“Love you too, boss.” </p><p>Helena heads behind the building to make the unfortunate call, her heart thumping uncomfortably. She’s a competent mechanic, and she shouldn’t feel so panicky about making a simple phone call to a customer. Still, losing somebody’s entire bumper is <em> really </em>bad. </p><p>To anyone else, Helena would come up with some bullshit about the bumper having had to be replaced due to some sort of dent--and, oh! It’s on the house because I’m such a good mechanic!--but with Dinah, she feels strangely inclined to tell the truth. </p><p>Dinah picks up after the first ring. <em> She probably thinks her car is ready. </em>Helena bites her lip, not even waiting for Dinah to say anything before blurting out, “Ifuckedupyourcar.” </p><p>“Wait--what?” Helena has to remind herself to breathe. “Can you say that one more time?” </p><p>“I fucked up your car,” says Helena again, this time more slowly. “I’m really sorry.” </p><p>“Okay.” Dinah doesn’t sound upset, which calms Helena down a little bit. “What happened?” </p><p>“I…” Helena bit her lip. “I lost your bumper.” </p><p>To Helena’s great irritation, Dinah still doesn’t seem remarkably upset, instead just letting out a snort of amusement. “But how?”  </p><p>“I don’t know, okay?” Helena snaps, wiping her sweat covered hands on the legs of her jumpsuit. “But I can’t find it. I’ve been looking for hours.” </p><p>“So what happens now?” asks Dinah serenely. </p><p>“I’ll order you a new one to replace it. Don’t worry, I won’t make you pay for the bumper or the extra hours of labor. This is all on me.” </p><p>“So when can I pick it up?” Dinah still doesn’t sound remarkably bothered. </p><p>“Um, probably the day after tomorrow.” Helena is dying of shame by this point. “Again, I’m really sorry.” </p><p>“Don’t sweat it.” </p><p>---</p><p>The fact that the mechanic lost her bumper should really piss Dinah off, but somehow she doesn’t. Somehow, when she reflects on Helena’s panicky voice as she explains that she’s somehow managed to misplace it, Dinah finds it strangely adorable. </p><p>She doesn’t even mind taking a cab to work for the next couple of days, because every time she does it just reminds her of the flustered mechanic and puts a smile on her face.</p><p>Dinah comes to the repair shop before she is called. When Helena spots her, she gets a somewhat mortified look on her face and rushes out to greet her. </p><p>“It’ll be about fifteen minutes until your car is ready,” she says, forgoing a greeting just like she had during their call the other day.</p><p>“That’s fine,” Dinah assures her. The motor oil on her cheek is gone, but there’s a swath of it on her forehead now. Since when does Dinah find motor oil adorable? She isn’t entirely sure. “So, did you ever find my bumper, or is this a new one?” </p><p>“A new one,” says Helena a little sheepishly, running a hand through her hair. “Come here. I’ll show you.” </p><p>Dinah follows Helena to the garage where her car is being worked on. She doesn’t understand what’s going on other than the fact that her car is mid-bumper, but what else is there to know?</p><p>Helena grabs a tool and begins screwing something into something. Dinah can vaguely see her muscles working through the fabric of the jumpsuit, and has the thought that she would love to see Helena in something a little nicer. <em> If she can make mechanic gear look good… </em> The possibilities are endless. </p><p>She’s mesmerized, watching Helena work on her car. Maybe she doesn’t know what’s going on, but she can see clearly that Helena is in her element. Her eyes are pinned to the bolts as she works, and after the promised fifteen minutes she stands up proudly. “Done!” </p><p>“Thanks.” Dinah should be happy, but she’s a little disappointed. With no car repairs to be had, what excuse is there to see Helena.</p><p>“Oh! Take this, too.” Helena shoves a bottle of something or other into Dinah’s hands. Dinah looks at her with interest.</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“It’s a spray that, if you spray it in your engine, should repel rodents.” </p><p>Dinah nods approvingly. “Nice.” </p><p>“Okay.” Helena gives her awkward smile. “Thanks for your business, I guess. And thanks for not being mad that I lost your bumper.” </p><p>“No problem,” says Dinah warmly. “Thanks for fixing my car.”</p><p>The next morning, Dinah is feeling very regretful that she never thought to ask Helena out. She’s genuinely considering poking a nail in one of her tires when it occurs to her that she still has the mechanic’s number.</p><p>“Hello?” Helena answers the phone.</p><p>“Hey. It’s Dinah.”</p><p>“Oh.” Helena sounds sort of terrified as she says, “there isn’t a problem with the new engine, right?”</p><p>“No, no,” Dinah assures her. “I was just…” She trails off.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“How do you apply that rat spray stuff?”</p><p>Helena sounds incredibly relieved at this. “Um, open up the hood of the car and spray.”</p><p>“Right, right.” Dinah nods, which is not very helpful given that Helena can’t see her. “Probably could have figured that one out for myself.” </p><p>“Anything else?” asks Helena.</p><p>“Yeah.” Dinah smiles as she feels her heart rate speed up. <em> It’s now or never. </em>“Do you wanna grab some dinner later?” </p><p>“Umm…” Dinah is horrified Helena is going to say no. “As your mechanic?” </p><p>“No.” Dinah laughs at this. “As, like, a date.” </p><p>“Oh.” Helena sounds mildly surprised. “Okay.” </p><p>“How’s six?” </p><p>“Six sounds great.” </p><p>Dinah’s prediction that Helena looks good in formalwear turns out to be accurate. Her prediction that Helena will arrive at their date with motor oil somewhere on her face, however, is not. It’s slightly disappointing, but Dinah can deal with it.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks everyone for reading my silly one-shot! This came into existence because once I came up with the concept of Helena as a mechanic, I couldn't not turn it into a story. I know next to nothing about cars, so most of the technical stuff in this fic is just the result of around twenty minutes of Googling car engines. If I got anything wrong let me know so I can fix it.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>